Symphony of fright and euphoria

Enlightenment is a strange, scary thing.

'Tis a moment where you very suddenly become incredulously receptive, and knowing is just the beginning.

And to know, is a fearsome thing indeed. 

Simply to say, when one is searching for the answer, in the journey of seeking the emptiness in your being. To find the one thing that should complete you and make you more fulfilled and content then your imagination could even try to grasp concept of.

That road is but an amazing one full of awe, delight, sorrow and bittersweetness that would make one's identity a certain way or the other, due to the very reason of itself.

What is but at the end of the journey, when all is said and done and realisation takes place of the wandering, and wondering is substituted by discovery of a whole new matter too overwhelming to contain.

How would you bottle, the immense emotions of having awakened after being asleep all your life? How can you stand the glare of light and sights, being blind so long; the deafening sounds of the cosmos, being deaf so long. 

And from a silent world of vacuum and abyss you become a whole new self and being of who you once were. The core of you, radiates brightest and strongest from within you because you have found it, and realised that you not so much possessed it, but that your enlightenment is not quite fully attained, yet more part of you, part and partial yours to have, while accompanying you until the very ends of your days.

I have searched, not quite so long as some others do. But I have hope my very hardest.

I have taken wrong roads, false detours, and made bad choices and regretful mistakes.

I have been deceived by no one but myself, and have been bluffed by my own naive faith.

I blame myself for my own suffering and shattered heart, spirit and soul.

But maybe, just maybe. This time, me and being the broken wee shell I am, may have lost eternal loneliness and found the very thing, this one and only sweetness that can and has mended me.

Perhaps, and dare I hope again that I may not be wrong.

That I have found my company that I can laugh, and cry, and sing with; to share, and to hold and to love.

Methinks, that I have found you, dear enlightenment.

I hope, I pray and I cry that I should not be wrong.

For a foolish dreamer like me, won't be much more that nothing, or anything at all.

People ask "Why Animation?" This is why.

This is the shiznit. 

I hope you, dear reader, won't find me silly for feeling somewhat over-excited (because I am) over the Hulk VS. Trailer, what might be to most simply another cartoon. Well, I'm probably silly most times, but I have a pretty good story for my rather hardcore obsession for 2D animated flicks.

And I mean, especially 2D.  

I was 8 when I started cartooning, and the discovery of this ability was of course, my joy. 

Obviously, my Dad saw the potential I had and encouraged me, but not so much in the way I had hope he would. 

I know I'm probably not old enough to claim remembrance for the pioneering of 3D animation.

But I did actually experience A Bug's Life and Toy's Story, which are pretty old school and are of course the very first few movies, from which the CG worlds of Ratatouille, KungFu Panda and Wall-E grew from. 

Although my Dad never opposed my love for the industry, he is without a doubt a hardcore traditional art enthusiast. 

He did very much embrace the realism of art, of what art can bring and provide, and enjoyed what a fresh take the part of computer graphics technology played.

And as much as I would want my dream - to work in Pixar, and hopefully one day direct my very own flicks - to be true, I know that deep inside I've always had a preference for old school 2D art, just a little bit more than the contemporary 3D.

Dad of course being the idealist saw a more utopian perspective through 3D art. Thus, he's always pushed me towards becoming a 3D artist than staying 2D. He still does, even up till today. I knew why and I don't blame him. To some extent, a big part of me agreed with him and all I did to ever show my disagreement towards him was make a simple statement, just for the record.

"I am a 2D artist."

After a while of bickering at the issue, and years and years of trying times in convincing my Dad what I wanted to do had a future to it, I really just gave up arguing with him on how my art should be like.

I began to study the works and toons on TV and in the books I had (still no computer or Internet for me yet) and I managed to pick up shading basics. Hence, there was no room for my roughly penned style any more. I had to pick and and adapt new styles and techniques, work in a whole new way that figured could one day link me from the flat, two-dimensional dream world I lived in, and transition to the bold three-dimensional world that takes the market by storm.

That part of me that agreed with my Dad saw some reality of how the world worked. I knew that I had to put whimsical ambitions aside if I wanted to get a real job in this industry; to survive.

And so from a 2D artist, I've evolved to be able to do somewhat 2.5D work, and am now (as you know it) striving to become a bona fide 3D artist. 

When I saw that clip, and how very awesome it was, something long and forgotten inside me sparked to life. I've gotten better, by a whole lot at what I do (though I'm not the best and have so much room for improvement!) And now I realise that the change in the artistic aspect of my life that took place almost 10 years ago was meant for big things. 

Big things that are coming my way, soon enough.

Yes, I am still striving to succeed in fulfilling all that I dream of. But now, two dreams become one, a great big one that would make me one of the most complete being any mortal person could imagine to be.

It's not just about the 2D, 2.5D or 3D animation anymore if you will. It's like finding the long searched for piece of just a big part of what makes you who you are. I'm lucky enough to have that in my hands; to hold part of my identity in my hands.

Just knowing that this is my calling, there's no need for careful thinking or consideration - It's just what I am meant to do.

So I will work my ass off (not literally, as I'm quite attached to it) to become known in the animation sphere. And once I have the time, money, connections, experience and skills in my hands, I can finally work on the pieces I want - making inspirational 2D flicks that ever the likes of Studio Ghibli, Hayao Miyazaki or Andrew Stanton would be enthralled and astounded by. 

I may not possess the skills needed at this very moment, but in time I do hope to acquire them. And I'm sure my passion and unconditional love and devotion for the art will be my helping hand, and heart. 

A very special someone was the one to show me this clip. And was even nice enough to burn me a copy of the whole thing :] So this post goes to you, whether you know it or not.  

Thank you for reminding me of who I am, and for rekindling the burning desires, and awakening the sleeping dreams within me.

Here, you may wish to see the trailers individually :]

Take care people.

Thank you for reading :]

Judgements and such

There's a definite coolness about the inevitable fact that when Man (or Woman) puts his or her mind into something they truly have the initiative for, anything is possible. 

Then again, when sinned intentions come into play, that drive that pushes the limits of impossibility becomes one that is filled with all things common society should frown upon. 

Corruption, lies, murder and such. 

All those things that make us wonder where in the world's name has the goodness and calm state of the cosmos fallen to?

But it's true. 

For man, possessing both the devil and lesser evil side to ourselves, can and will do anything to acquire ones desires. 

Promiscuity is the result of lustfulness; avarice can lead to thievery and murder. 

Though it is horrid and terrible, and do not misunderstand me I beg you, dear reader, I do not think crime is right.

The question here is what is just? 

Law states that this is illegal and that is not. One can escape prosecution of jury if they have killed in self-defence (Or perhaps with a really kick ass lawyer).

Then does that not make the murderer a victim of survival?

When a petty thief commits the wrong doing of swiping a lady's purse, is he not protecting himself by ensuring his survival and means of living?

And the psychopath or serial killer murders without reason, is he not escaping his suicide, death, sorrow and sheer insanity by satisfying his inexplainable behaviour?

As much as innocent lives are lost and perhaps, somewhat wasted, if one is to believe in faith, will it not just be a matter of destiny and such?

Loathe as you may towards what you see as the disgusting grime of society, but we are all humans, let us be fully apenditured or disabled. The emotionally unstable or common Joe, we are all that makes up the world that we live in.

For there would be nothing without anything. No fear without the predator, and no caution or awareness without the bad deed.

We humans are complacent beings. Very much so that we often forget the importance of value of the immaterial things in our lives that are so easily lost.

Personally, it's good that we have some form of reminder to keep us awake, of just how precious our thick-skinned but oh so fragile lives are. 

Just another rainy day thought.

A Beautiful Mess

Goodness knows I love that pin on his coat ;]

The verdict of the Jason Mraz concert needs not any questioning or doubt.

It was amazing. And although I am slightly abashed, I am not quite so ashamed to admit that when he came on stage, and opened the spectacular show he had in store for us with "Make It Mine", I was very overwhelmed with emotion. 

*ahemthosewhoknowmeverywellwouldknowiamacrybabyahem*

But yes, it was totally worth it. (Although I was not quick enough, and got my camera confiscated - don't worry I got it back in the end. But alas, no pictures!)

I cried, and cheered and sang along to all the songs, as well did all the members of the audience. 

Crowd control was flawless as Mr. A-Z could make every single person put their silliest groove on. From singing freestyle vocal licks, to dancing the jig of "The Dynamo of Volition".

There was tunes toned down where lovers could have a moment to hold each other and enjoy that sweet moment together, and upbeat times where you just could not help but allow the Mraz rhythm of the time to engulf you, and "Live High" for the moment. 

It will be something I will never ever forget. 

I suppose if you're reading this, you might just get the brief idea of how much of a fan, and how much I adore and am enthralled by Mr. Mraz. And trust me, that's only a small fraction of my love and awe for that prodigy of a human.

It may sound like exaggerration but 'tis truly how I view him. His fluidity, effortless renditions and flair to me is just oh so attractive and there's that inevitable whimsical and fanciful flavour to his soul that would suggest his is just not from our hectic and corrupted world. 

It's a beautilful disaster that he has come to us in the form of spiritual escape through music, because he has the ability to rock and rattle the worlds of some and open an astral void to another new kind of high that nothing else can give.

Well, at least to me, this is the case :]

Hopefully when I venture overseas, one day, I will get another chance to see him again. 

Life is already that much more fulfilled for me :]

Much thanks to Mom for getting me the tickets and being a company.

Now, some goodies for your listening and viewing pleasure~

*I could not find a good live version for this one, so I thought the original audio works best.

Unwritten

It is quite obvious that after such a long period of not writing and not doing any math, my brain has shrivelled up dry and runs on the capacity equivalent to a raisin.

Behold! Iva's brain .___.

Or at least, that's what it feels like to me. 

So far, life has been just that much more generous to me. Yes, I am lucky. 

Passed me driving exam, so I'm able to operate behind the wheel legally. But sure enough, I am a the sheer definition of the "probationary driver", hence my mother's nervousness when she becomes my passenger. 

Oh well, it's something that only get better with time and experience. 

Work has been keeping me preoccupied, along with the new curfew system my Dad and I agreed upon.

"Be back before 12 eh, or else you know... You'll turn into a pumpkin."

-Dad                    

Haha. Yes folks, those were his exact words. 

But who doesn't love the newfound freedom? I definitely do, to me it's a whole lot compared to what I had before. 

Hmm. I realise this is a pretty personal, and typically a blog-like post compared to my regular content. I suppose I'm really just trying to compensate the fact that I haven't posted anything at all in a while now, and well, something is better than nothing.

Not to mention the fact that life is nice and good now, what with the slight upturn of event, albeit the routine-like flavour of it. 

Nothing too adventerous or adrenaline pumping to share.

Well, not that I would tell publicly anyway ;]

Until the days of the upcoming events come, I'll try to think of something nice to post okay?

Thank you again to all who visit :]

Mondo events for my March 2009:

Jason Mraz, Live in Kuala Lumpur! (Yes, I am really excited)

On the 4th, Wednesday

Diving in Tioman :]

I get to try out my new baby! -

Me brand new Sony MPK-THG underwater housing for the Sony Cybershot DSC-T77

Captures every moment, down to the depths of 40m :]

<3

Until then, be well people!